Gandalf Look-Alike Noam Chomsky Says the End of the World Is Near

Just listen to Chomsky, folks, he knows everything.

I couldn’t decipher anything he said in this interview, but it sounded like he was grumbling something about Trump causing the end of the world with Covid-19.

“Orange Man Bad!” the croaking old dinosaur blurted out, nearly choking to death on his own spit. “This Orange sociopath is driving the world towards extinction by not declaring a global emergency about Greta Thunberg’s unused pussy.”

“Greta deserves prime cock, but she is being denied this right because the Orange Man besmirched her as an ugly flat-chested autistic retard on Twitter,” added Chomsky. “The reason she had to start this global climate movement was to get out of going to school where all the cool kids were making fun of her as a stinky dyke who doesn’t shower.”

“China did nothing wrong,” Chomsky added as an elderly care assistant entered the room to change his shit-stained diaper. “I hope China nukes America and exterminates the evil white race which has caused all of the world’s problems, including my own erectile dysfunction.”

“For the past 35 years I have been unable to fuck my busty Somalian wife because racist white males have kept trolling me with gas chamber memes online, giving me night sweats,” Chomsky barked at the interviewer before slipping into a coma.