Internationalist Twitter Nazbols have convened their first ever congress to discuss ideas on how to best infiltrate and subvert rival political movements and establish global neo-Bolshevik rule.
The congress took place in Sucre, Bolivia… the birthplace of National Bolshevism.
“National Bolshevism is the future of Europe and the West,” said Richard Spencer, a leader of the Twitter-based Nazbol movement. “Our schizoid amalgamation of fringe philosophies from the Siberian steppes and Chinese countryside will revolutionize the planet!”
“All these lesser humans who don’t understand and don’t appreciate the genius of our exquisite syncretic ideology will be forced to bow down before us and worship their betters!”
“I RULE THE FUCKING WORLD!” Spencer screeched, raising his glass to the attendees who gave clenched-fist Nazbol salutes in response. “These little anti-Nazbol octoroons need to learn their proper place beneath me, looking up at someone like me! This is, like, never over!”
“Hail Xi Jinping and Kim Jung-un!” blurted out Mike Peinovich to wild applause from the crowd of 34 mountain-dwelling Bolivian beaners. “Heroes of Asiatic Nazbol!” “Xi and Kim are the godfathers of our movement, we honor them here today in Bolivia,” Peinovich said, followed by a loud wet fart that the crowd pretended not to notice.
“Comrades, the root of all our problems today is neoliberalism,” opined Irish teenager Keith Woods who had to Skype into the conference from his bedroom because he was grounded and unable to attend in person. “Neoliberalism is bad and the only way to defeat neoliberalism is to convince white nationalists that the Jewish godfather of communism Karl Marx was based and red-pilled.” “Only through communist redistribution economic schemes,” Woods continued, “can the white race be saved.” “All these dindus on our social welfare programs is not a problem, so long as poor whites also get a share of the money,” he concluded. “More welfare handouts will result in white racial victory, comrades!”
“We have to pretend to be white nationalists,” exclaimed Nazbol heavyweight Eric Striker, the final speaker at the conference. “If we talk in the language of white nationalism and feign a hatred of Jews, we can convince white nationalists to get on board with our neo-Bolshevik plan to kill all rich white capitalists and install 75-IQ street vendors into power.” “Most of us Nazbols are not even white, we’re of the Chicano race.” “But the point is that white nationalists are getting in the way of our plans to kill anyone who owns a business or private property because they’re evil capitalists exploiting us Chicano worker bees.”
Alexander Dugin made a brief appearance at the conference, outlining his theories on the fluid nature of gender identity. “Male and female are a made up fiction by the racist, chauvinistic West to divide and conquer us Eurasians,” Dugin raved. “NATO created those categories as a gayop to divide the working class and the Eurasian-Dindu Alliance.” “There is only one gender: the androgyne!”
“The white West is racist, imperialistic and demonic, the heartland of global capitalist tentacles,” Dugin pontificated. “We must replace Western whites with moslems, Circassians, Chinese, Mongols, Tatars, all this Eurasian nomadism.” “The West will not survive unless it embraces integration with Eurasia and superior Mongolian blood!”
“Hail Satan!” Dugin bellowed out to thunderous applause.
